Looking forward to getting back more than ever, despite the fact that my whole life in London seems so far away now that I almost feel like it never happened, that maybe it was just all part of some really long dream. Its weird.
On the other hand, I have hundreds of plans for when I get back. It'll be like a fresh start all over again, a chance to be the person I really want to be, not the one that halls ended up pushing me into being. I'm going to go out less and look after myself more. I'll eat better and sleep about 7.5 hours almost every night because they say thats the perfect amount of sleep. I'll join the gym and take vitamins and go back to dance class. I'll be a better friend and pay less attention to boys (if not no attention).
I guess my emotions have been a little erratic lately.
Firstly, I had a pretty frightening cancer scare and on the same day Vic told me that Paddy has a girlfriend now and that shes really fit (obviously I never told her about the cancer scare). It was just bad timing I guess because I got really upset about it. I was just like, hes a fucking bastard who got off on trying to ruin my life and he gets a fit girlfriend and all I've ever tried to be is a good person and I get cancer. How does he get to be happy???? Its just so unfair.
I guess most people would assume I'd be upset because I'd be jealous of the girlfriend, but I promise, that really isn't the case. If anything, I feel sorry for her. I guess the real reason I was so upset was just because I felt like it was such solid proof that there is no karma in the world and certainly no justice.
If anyone deserved to remain single forever and die a virgin, it was him. And I know it sounds terrible, but that boy, someone who I thought was one of my best friends made me so miserable that I cant help but mean it.
Stabbed in the back by both Joanna and Paddy (and they are just those that were closest to me) in one year? I'll never let myself get that close to anyone ever again.
I checked the girlfriend out on facebook and now i feel a lot better. Shes cute and blonde and perky. Shes everything that I'm not, and everything that I have no urge to be.
The cancer scare turned out to be just that, a scare. I've never been so relieved.
Its made me even more determined to make a proper go of things when I get back.
Just 130 days left.
About Me
- Red
- So when I failed my exams at the end of my tumultuous first year at a prestigious university in London, I never expected it would result in me being ripped away from my life there and dumped right back into the cesspit that is small town Georgia USA, where my family moved when I was twelve and where I attended high school. And all of a sudden I have to deal with all the problems I left behind and hope that when I return to the UK in April to retake my exams, my life there will still be intact.
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