Silence Teaches You How To Sing

I'm an absolute fucking idiot.
Why do I never learn?
Ever?

Today I made yet another school girl error and suddenly remembered exactly why facebook stalking is,
a) Wrong
and
b) A very, very bad idea.

So yes, I only have myself to blame, but seriously.
Seriously. Did I really deserve to see an ex-love interest (David) engaged in a passionate looking kiss, just weeks after being engaged in one such kiss with me.

Fuck.
Fucking, fucking fuck.

And I can't even whine to BFF Victoria about it because she will be just as disappointed with me as I am. And she'll probably say that I am clearly not over him.

Which I am.

And she'll say that he is not even that great looking.

Which he is.

I can be slightly upset by the actions of someone I don't care about. There is nothing wrong with that. Its healthy.

It is.

New Day

When did we start letting other people decide how happy we are? Like, for example, letting the opposite sex and their actions decide exactly how we view the rest of the world. Whether you are a pessimist or an optimist. Whether you are lonely, or just alone. Whether you are happy or sad. And that can't be right. Can it?

I mean, when did things get so complicated?

When I was a kid, I had everything planned out. I wasn't going to get bogged down with children or a husband, I was going to be a career woman with a one bedroom flat in the city, more money than I knew what to do with and one of those maps with pins in it that joyfully proclaimed how many places in the world I had visited.

Then hormones kicked in and ruined everything.

I've been broody since I was twelve. While I always swore I would never be the girl in movies and TV shows that can't speak and goes red in the face whenever her love interest passes by, I am just a little more than the epitome of that.

And now I hate men and am considering investing in a vibrator.

And for that I blame:
Dad,
Paddy,
Jade,
David,
Phil,
Nathan,
John,
maybe even Michael.
Sometimes.

I don't know what I want from this.

Maybe its a way of reminding myself to learn from past mistakes.