Sometimes I feel like my life is just one big guilt trip.
I often wonder who's getting off on watching me do all the things I feel obligated to do. I also wonder why I feel so damn guilty all the time. Why do I even care?
I haven't written in almost a month, mostly because I haven't had time, what with mum's birthday, our mini-break to the Alabama border, and, of course, Christmas. But now the new year is approaching and I suddenly feel like I need to write again.
Its time for resolutions.
Maybe thats why.
This week my horoscope has been telling me to let go of my grudges. Don't worry though, I'm not stupid enough to believe I actually could. I nurture my grudges like children, thrive on the idea of having someone to hate.
We're all addicted to something.
I dunno. Its probably the worst thing about me, but I know that all I can do is finally put my grudges to use. This is what 2008 is going to be all about.
I'm sick of wallowing in hate all the time. Its a guilty pleasure, but such pleasures aren't supposed to consume our lives and hold us back. They are supposed to be driving forces. Reasons to do better.
All I need now is a goal.
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3 comments:
Whoa there, one step at a time, hate is a massive thing and yet you really will one day feel better if you manage to let it all go, however, don't do this because some blogger tells you to, do it when you're ready and how you feel good and take it very very easy... there's a reason you have hated, you can only adjust this not change it.... and forgiveness is what diferentiates us from the animals IMO
HNY anyhow - resolutions are hard whoever you are and whatever they may be ! Good luck and be gentle on yourself :-)
Are you catholic? I am, and they love to make you feel guilty all the fucking time.
If not, maybe you should convert. At least you'd have a reason for the guilt then, eh?
Chin up and all that.
Nice read...excellent skill to take the reader to the depth of your point.
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